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This year I'm having one of those birthdays that ends with a zero. Except for the colonoscopy appointment, I'm looking forward to it. I have it on good authority that you can use your birth certificate as a permission slip for doing a few things you didn't think you could get away with when you were younger. What I want to do is not illegal or immoral. I doubt if anyone will even notice a change in my behavior (I already get away with plenty, thank you). Or maybe they will, they just won't realize the change is part of my evolution as a human being (that's what I'm calling it).
At the top of my list: I'm allowing myself more time unplugged. You may be thinking, "It can take her days to answer email (true) -- how much more unplugged can she get?" But that kind of unplugged is often due to my travel schedule. Other times I blame it on frustration with the slow dial-up connection in our rural area. But those are excuses, and I'm talking about choices.
A few years ago I made the choice to specialize in work that is outside the mainstream and hope I could make a living. And while my earnings won't stretch to cover a satellite connection for high-speed internet, we're making our mortgage and health insurance payments every month. At times it seems easier to make big, life- altering choices like that than small ones, like taking a walk with the dog instead of checking the email when there isn't time to do both. That's what I'm talking about.
I belong to a generation of women who believed if we worked hard enough and long enough, we could have it all (I don't recall the definition of 'all'). And here we are, faced with rolling brownouts where our spirits dim and flicker because the resources and energy available to us cannot be stretched to meet all demands. We know better. We know we have to let some things go so we can hold on to what matters the most. We know we have to pull a few plugs.
Last year I pulled the plug temporarily on two books I was writing for self-publication. I didn't mean to, but they weren't quite done before the year's teaching schedule kicked into overdrive. I just couldn't fit in the time to finish the books along with class prep and travel. So the books simmered on the back burner longer than I intended, and that turned out to be a good thing. Because I had time to reflect, I made choices I think improved the end results.
The plug I'm pulling this year is on the sewing machine. I admit it: I prefer to sew by hand. Sure, it takes longer. So what? There are no life-or-death deadlines that apply to my wardrobe. So tomorrow I'm cutting out a skirt to stitch by hand. You won't read about the skirt on my blog. I don't have a blog. I should start one, but I've decided not to do that, either. I enjoy reading other people's blogs occasionally -- usually at the library, where they have high-speed internet. But instead of writing a blog, I'm going to take a walk with the dog. I may let you know how the skirt turned out next time I update my web site, and if you're on my email list I'll let you know when that is. But if you're unplugged that day and miss it, good for you.
-- Donna Kallner, January 2008
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